Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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