He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
