My hair reeks of homosexuality.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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