i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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