Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
