first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize