i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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