So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
