Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
