Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
