True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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