I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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