and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pants 0. Shit 1.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
