remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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