Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Randomize
