I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
