i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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