Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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