if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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