I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
