she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize