I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
