the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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