Im at strip club and am horny
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
