I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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