I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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