is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
