but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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