I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
