he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
