we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
