why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
