I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
