The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Drunk is not a location!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
