Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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