people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize