I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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