She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
