He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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