I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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