If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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