Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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Dude, that was like bongs ago.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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