So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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