Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
