Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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