College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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