i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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