I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
