i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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