some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
