At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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