Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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