Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
