i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
