Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
