im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
