No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
