Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
