I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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