I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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