In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
