I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
