He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
