I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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