so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
