Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
