Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
