Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
