i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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