I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
