Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
