My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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