I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
