Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
